Dear me: we need to talk
Dear me: we need to talk is a self-help book written by the Spanish psychologist and content creator Elizabeth Clapés, better known on social networks as Esmi. The work was published by the Montena publishing house on February 3, 2022, and its purpose is to disseminate self-knowledge and self-love to achieve greater stability on an emotional level, in partner, work, family and social relationships.
This title by Elizabeth Clapés makes an in-depth exploration through current life and how love relationships work. Behind his simple and easy-to-understand style lies a more complex reflection on topics such as loneliness, the search for happiness and insecurity. Dear me: we need to talk invites readers to evaluate themselves and get to know themselves.
Synopsis of the first four chapters of Dear me: we need to talk
Dear me: we need to talk it has a rather unusual index by contemporary standards. The themes of the book are divided into five large chapters which, in turn, are subdivided into small sections.
Its structure is very similar to that of a volume of text that can be reviewed from time to time., at the moment in which doubts arise regarding the advice compiled by Elizabeth Clapés. Here are the blocks that make up the work:
The mistakes we made: the guilt
After a brief prologue by the author, where he refers to what the reader can find in his book, and what should be taken into account before reading it, Dear me: we need to talk makes its way to chapter one: "The mistakes we made: the guilt."
Through him, Elizabeth Clapés exposes —with amazing simplicity, closeness and honesty— how the human being is overwhelmed by guilt, not only for what he has done wrong, but for all those occasions in which he allowed something or someone to hurt him.
We've all made mistakes, but running from them or becoming a victim of them isn't going to change them.. According to Elizabeth Clapés, the ideal is to acknowledge the mistake, apologize to the people affected, accept the reactions (rejection, gratitude or indifference) and then let go of that discomfort to move on. Afterwards, it is necessary to understand that it is a mistake from the past that no longer represents us, and that we will not commit it again.
"You have to know who you are"
After chapter one and its respective divisions, where readers can find teachings such as "try to treat ourselves as if we were our own best friend", comes the moment where the author emphasizes an alarming topic: the fact that we are afraid to stay only with ourselves.
It is in this section where Elizabeth Clapés makes the reader look in the mirror, and realize that he still lives with you, even if you have to turn on the television so as not to stay silent.
The day to day is so hectic that it leaves no time for silent reflection, the one where neither Netflix series, nor voice notes, nor music, nor friends have a place. The result is that we end up ignoring our needs, until, one day, there are too many of them, and there is a loud knock on the door.
One of the processes that recommends the author to alleviate these cases it is pay attention to what our body indicates. At the same time, it emphasizes that we don't just react like a spectator.
"Get along with your emotions"
After understanding that we can take a day to be sad, and that it is essential to learn to recognize our needs, it is time to deal with emotional states.
Elizabeth Clapés begins chapter three telling that Emotions are "reactions that represent how we adapt to the external." These fulfill an adaptive function, so they are not good or bad, but pleasant or unpleasant.
The importance of chapter three lies in how fundamental it is to practice how to become aware of emotions and manage them. In the event that a situation produces a very intense and unflattering feeling, the psychologist recommends withdrawing momentarily and listening to what our body is telling us. Some questions that the reader can ask are: “What's wrong with me? What do I feel?"
“The people who scare us and the need for approval that awakens us”
The fourth block opens a debate about how we face or react to those people who convey superiority, respect or fear to us. It can be a parent, a boss, or even a friend.
In this context, Elizabeth Clapés affirms that it is necessary to analyze why we give that authority to a subject. The psychologist advises that in case of finding someone who treats us as inferior —whoever it is—, it is important to make them see that no one should act like that, and that a mistake is being committed. We must internalize that we all have the same value and deserve the same respect.
Questions that readers can ask themselves to identify their emotions
- Where it hurts?;
- When does it hurt?;
- Because it hurts?;
- Since when does it hurt?
List of subsequent chapters of Dear Me: We Need to Talk
- 5. "What should someone be like so that you want them to be part of your life, who are you going to allow in";
- 5.1. "Nobody has to be for life if you don't want to";
- 5.2. "A breakup (with anyone) is not a failure";
- 5.3. «Knowing how to set limits and decide what I don't like, what I don't tolerate in others»;
- 5.4. "Your bubble";
- 5.5. "May your inner monster not kill anyone";
- 5.6. "Emotional dependence";
- 6. "The need to control everything and anticipatory anxiety";
- "Looking forward";
- 1. "What I want in life";
- 2. "Wanting is not power";
- 3. “Can you live with you? You fancy? Because you have your whole life ahead of you »;
- 4. "A human human being."
About the author, Elizabeth Clapés
Elizabeth Clapes
Elizabeth Clapés is a Spanish psychologist, writer, teacher and content creator. She was born and grew up on the island of Ibiza. Subsequently moved to the city of Barcelona to study psychology, a career that had always fascinated him.
As a professional, is an expert in Couple relationships and clinical sexology. In addition, through his social networks, he provides advice to improve the self-esteem of his followers, and accompany them in their therapeutic processes.
Other books by Elizabeth Clapés
- Until you like yourself: Work on yourself to be proud of who you are (2023)