iindlela zokuthanda (Uranus, 2010) yincwadi ebhalwe ngezandla ezibini ngugqirha wengqondo u-Amir Levine kunye nesazi sezengqondo uRachel Heller. Yincwadana egxile ekunyangeni uncamathiselo kubantu abadala ukusuka kwisiseko sesayensi. Inika ulwazi oluluncedo kakhulu kule ngcamango eqala ukusasazeka phakathi kwabantu njengoko ubudlelwane buguquka kwaye buba nzima ngakumbi.
Ukuba ucinga malunga nendlela yokuphucula amabhondi akho okanye ufuna ukuqonda ukuba luhlobo luni lokuncamathela onalo kubudlelwane bakho ngokusekelwe kubuntu bakho, qiniseka ukuba ufunda le ncwadi. Ngaba incwadi eqinisekileyo yokwazi ukuba ukuncamathela kubumisa njani ubudlelwane bethu.
Iindlela zothando: okanye indlela ukuncamathela iimeko zobudlelwane bethu
ukufunda malunga nokuncamathela
Sizizilwanyana zentlalo, kwaye umgangatho wobudlelwane bethu uya kuba nefuthe eliqinisekileyo kubantu esingabantu, kunye nobomi bethu.. U-Levine kunye noHeller banciphisa ezinye zeethiyori ezazibanjelwe malunga nokuncamathela kwaye zithelekisa izifundo zabo ngesiseko sesayensi. Ukwenza oku, babuyela kwi-hypothesis eyaphuhliswa nguJohn Bowlby, i-psychoanalyst yeNgesi eyavula ithiyori yokuncamathela.
Le ncwadi, esele ineminyaka elishumi elinesithathu ubudala, ivala ukubakho kokuncamathela kuthathwe njengokuphazamiseka. ngokuchaseneyo, Abantu banemfuno engxamisekileyo yokuseka amabhondi akhuselekileyo kunye nokuncamathela yinto esengqiqweni nelindelekileyo phakathi kwethu.. Nangona kunjalo, kukho uncamathiselo oluthile olunqwenelekayo kwaye lunenzuzo, olungathinteli ukuzimela kwaye lusenze sigcine ubudlelwane obunempilo nabanye. Ngokunjalo, kukho nezinye ezinokuba yingozi kwinqanaba lobudlelwane nabanye abantu. Nangona ngendlela esondeleyo nathi sichatshazelwa yi-a ugula ukuncamathela, ekubeni ukuzithemba kunokuba buhlungu kakhulu.
ukuncamathela ebudaleni
Into ekungathandabuzekiyo, kwaye oku kubonakaliswe zizifundo ezahlukeneyo, kukuba ukuncamathela kwethu kuxhomekeke kumlinganiselo omkhulu kuncanyathiso esilufumeneyo njengabantwana. Ubume bobuntu bethu, uhlobo lothando okanye amanqanaba okuxhomekeka ngokweemvakalelo ebuntwaneni bethu kunye nohlobo lomsa okanye ingqalelo abazali bethu abasinike yona imisela olu nxulumano lwabantu abadala ababhali bajongana nalo kule ncwadi.
Iingcaciso ezikwincwadana zicace gca kwaye nceda ukuqonda umfundi okhangela kumaphepha abo uhlobo lokuncamathisela abanalo kunye nesiphumo sokuzimanya nomntu ononxibelelwano olwahlukileyo.. Ababhali baphose umnatha kumntu onamathele ngokuxhalabileyo kwaye bakhuphe isilumkiso kumnqandeli wendlela yokuziphatha abanokuzibandakanya kuyo kunye nexhala. Ingqalelo koku, kuba, kuyo nayiphi na imeko, ezi ntlobo zimbini zokuncamathela azithandeki kubomi obupheleleyo kunye nobudlelwane obunempilo. Umntu onamathele ngokukhuselekileyo kufuneka afunde ngononophelo, khumbula ukuba aba bantu bakwanabo nobudlelwane beemvakalelo nabanye. Abantu ngokwenkcazo bahlobene.
Iindidi zokuncamathisela
Njengoko besitshilo, uGqr. Amir Levine kunye nesazi ngengqondo uRachel Heller bachaza ithiyori yokuncamathela kaJohn Bowlby, eyahlulahlula izihlomelo zibe ziindidi ezintathu:
- Ngokuqinisekileyo. Lowo unamathele ngokukhuselekileyo uyazi ukulungelelana ngokweemvakalelo kubudlelwane, uyakwazi ukuthetha ngeemvakalelo zabo kwaye afune ukunxibelelana nomnye umntu ngovelwano.
- Ukuxhalaba. Uziva ebuhlungu, ungumntu ongazithembiyo osoloko efuna omnye umntu yaye uhlala esoyika ukulahlwa. Uxhomekeke ngokweemvakalelo.
- ukuphepha. Udla ngokuba ngumntu okuphephayo ukuthetha ngeemvakalelo. Bangabantu ababandayo nabakude; baqhele ukuba nalo mlinganiswa kuba baye babandezeleka ngamaxesha okungakhathali ukusukela ebuntwaneni.
Ukwazi iziqhotyoshelo ezikhoyo, kunye neempawu zobuntu kunye neziphumo zomntu ngamnye kunceda ukuqonda iingxaki zobudlelwane, kunye neemvakalelo ezisihlaselayo xa sijongene nokungaqiniseki kwethu okunzulu. Ayimele ilityalwe loo nto oku kungakhuselekanga kubangelwa ukudibana kunye nomnye ovela kwihlabathi elisondeleyo leemvakalelo. Ukuqonda ukuncamathela komnye kukuqonda ngokwakho, oku kuthetha uhlalutyo olungcono lwemeko ukwenzela ukuyibuyisela umva. Kuba ewe, kuthiwe kunokwenzeka ukuguqula uhlobo lwethu loncamathiselo.
Izigqibo
iindlela zokuthanda Yincwadi emalunga nokuqhotyoshelwa kwabantu abadala, nangona ukuyinciphisa kubudlelwane besibini kuya kushiya umsebenzi wangoku kwesi sihloko sithintelwe kakhulu. Ngokungathandabuzekiyo, iyincwadi enokunceda ekuqondeni ubuntu bomfundi ize icombulule amathandabuzo athile kumbandela oqalisa ukuba yinkohliso gqitha nosoloko kuthethwa ngawo ungazi. Ukuqhotyoshelwa kwabantu abadala kuneziphumo ezithe ngqo kwi-attachment yobuntwana (livili elibuyisela umva) kwaye le ncwadi inesiseko sesayensi sovulindlela uJohn Bowlby. Phatha izincamathelisi ezahlukeneyo ukuze ukwazi ukutshintsha ezimbi okanye eziyingozi ezisempilweni nezikhuselekileyo ezisenza sinxulumane nabanye ukusuka kukuzithemba kwethu kunye nothando..
Malunga nababhali
UAmir Levine yingcali yemithambo-luvo eyaziwayo yakwaSirayeli kunye nogqirha wengqondo.. Ngoku ujongene nokwenza izifundo zophando kwiYunivesithi yase-Columbia kwaye usebenza no-Eric Kandel, ophumelele iBhaso leNobel kuNyango ngonyaka ka-2000. Ulilungu le-American Psychiatric Association, i-American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Umbutho weNeuroscience.
URachel Heller yingcali yengqondo yentlalontle evela kwiYunivesithi yaseColumbia. kunye nobuhlobo kunye noGqr Levine babangela ukuba bobabini benze le ncwadi. UHeller uzinikele ekusebenzeni ngokuncamathisela kunye nobudlelwane nabantu abeza kwiofisi yakhe.