You are not the problem
You are not the problem: understand and heal yourself after a relationship with narcissistic people is a self-help book written by the Spanish psychologist, teacher and author Elizabeth Clapés. The work was published on May 30, 2014 by the Montena publishing house. Upon its launch, the volume received a great reception from critics and the reading public, achieving unstoppable sales success.
This fact can be seen in their numbers. on platforms like Goodreads and AmazonWhere You are not the problem It has 4.52 and 4.7 stars, respectively. Since his first appearance in the literary world with Dear me: we need to talk, Clapés became one of the most listened to voices in Spanish-speaking psychology, and this time it is no different.
Synopsis of You are not the problem
Guide to discovering a narcissist
A priori, the title of this self-help book It is very strange, since, in life, all people are willing to make mistakes. However, when Clapés He says that “You are not the problem.” refers specifically to relationships with narcissists. In them, it is likely that a person who acts as best as possible, feels that he or she fails incessantly, even though it is not his or her responsibility.
Maintaining an emotional relationship with a narcissist is not only exhausting, but, in most cases, whoever has it doesn't even understand that they need help, since the narcissist in question is capable of overshadowing all the exit points of his individual support center. Subjects with this condition lie, manipulate and distort events to their convenience.
How a narcissist behaves
To begin with, It is necessary to clarify that a narcissist can be anyone: mother, father, brother, friend or partner.. A person with this type of behavior tends to make his or her peers believe that he or she is indispensable, almost a soul mate. Likewise, it tends to be chameleon-like, apparently transforming itself into what its effects believe it needs.
It is also likely that a narcissist feels superior to others, and that he is admired by those who love him. On the other hand, It is natural for them to deceive to the point where it is easy to doubt one's own sanity, even turning the victim into a dependent being, both materially and emotionally. In the same way, the narcissist becomes a victim, while becoming a “savior.”
Other notable characteristics of narcissistic disorder
If a person who lives with a narcissist tries to leave, the latter will try, by all means, to manipulate them into staying or returning. Besides, He has the habit of extinguishing or absorbing everything that constitutes his affections, who always remember what they were like before the narcissist came into their lives, and they miss that version of themselves that they cannot recover.
Likewise, the person who is the victim of a narcissist may know that they must flee, but do not know how to do so. In extreme cases, For the oppressed, walking away can mean a leap into the void. However, You are not the problem It is designed, precisely, to break these types of thought patterns with big spoonfuls of self-love.
Narrative style of Elizabeth Clapés
You are not the problem is a psychology and personal development book written for mortals. That is to say: You don't need a master's degree to understand it. As always, Elizabeth Clapés takes the time to explain complex concepts in a close, simple way. Reading it is like sitting down to have coffee with a good friend who can read minds.
Clapés, with his innate sensitivity, takes the reader on a journey that is explained in a simple way, although it is difficult to follow. You are not the problem calls for reconciliation with oneself, to give each other that hug necessary to recover the strength lost due to the selfishness or illness of others. It is a volume full of information, examples and exercises to follow to improve.
A powerful message
One of the most painful and real lessons that this book leaves behind is that, No matter how much love and patience you have for a narcissist, your behavior it will never change. Those who suffer from this disorder do not take the tools to stop hurting those around them, even though they are given them. In this sense, the best answer is healthy distance.
One of the greatest successes of the volume is the clarity with which the author writes about this delicate topic, the materials she offers to distinguish narcissistic behavior, and her practical and accessible guide. You are not the problem could become a turning point for those who already experience this situation, or in a motor for those who have just left it and do not wish to return.
About the author
Elizabeth Clapés, better known on her social networks as Esmipsiccología, was born on the island of Ibiza, Spain. Later, He moved to Barcelona to enroll in the Faculty of Psychology, an area that she has always been passionate about. Within her career, she is a specialist in relationships and clinical sexology, and shares mental health advice in her communities on social networks.
It was her concern for the people of these communities that led her to create her own website, where, together with other professionals, is dedicated to caring for patients with different emotional problems, serving as support for millions of users. At Esmipsicologa.com there is a blog, in addition, therapy sessions are offered and psychological training workshops are held.
Other books by Elizabeth Clapés
- Dear me: we need to talk (2022);
- Until you like each other (2023);
- Lose you to find myself (2023)
Other psychology books you can read
- Psychologically Speaking (by Adrián Triglia, Bertrand Regader and Jonathan García Allen);
- The surprising truth about what motivates us (by Daniel Pink);
- Awakening the heart: The art of loving yourself well (by Sandra García Sánchez Beato);
- Psychotrolas: The psychological lies of our digital world (by Rubén Camacho);
- Towards a Process-Based Therapy (by Steven C. Hayes);
- The art of Loving (by Erich Fromm);
- Good morning, joy: How to overcome sadness and achieve emotional balance (by Jesús Martos Larrinaga).